Yesterday, I demanded that my better half take me to an establishment that served alcohol, stat. And thus, we ended up at kid-magnet Laurelwood Public House during happy hour.

Since I'm allergic to kids, we don't usually go there, but it did seem like a decent option for beer and food. After all, while Laurelwood's food is not great, it's consistently good and edible.

The happy hour menu includes $2.75 pints, and $3.95 food. The food options include

• the Happy Burger with fries, perhaps half the size of their regular burger (and you can add cheese for an extra buck)


• the Happy Aritichoke-Jalapeno (sic) Dip, which comes with tortilla chips (artificial artichoke?)


• the Happy Mediterranean Pizza with Pesto


• the Happy Mac 'n' Cheese with Ham (with tortilla chips)


• the Happy Taco (with tortilla chips and salsa


• the Happy Nachos (add chicken for $3 more)


• the Happy Garlic Fries


• the Happy Chicken Caesar Salad

So with dutiful grouchiness, we ordered our Happy Cheeseburgers, our Happy Nachos, and our Happy Mac 'n' Cheese. The folks next to us appeared to be at the beginning of a wake.

Like I mentioned above, the Happy Burger is a small, plain hamburger with lettuce and a single slice of insipid tomato. It comes with a small handful of fries, which are batterdipped and double-fried. I suppose someone might get full off of that serving, but my guess is that 99% of the American adult population would not. But then, none of these servings are large.

The Happy Nachos are really the most cheerful possible thing: tortilla chips covered with black bean chili, cheese, and olives. There isn't a lot of it, but, really, a little goes a long way.

The Happy Mac 'n' Cheese looks like Kraft dinner with little cubes of ham on top. And it definitely tastes like something out of a box, designed not to offend the sentiments of children, like something midway between Kraft dinner and Annie's.

So, we each spent about $9 on food. For that $9, we could have gotten any of their 1/3# hamburgers with lots of toppings, and fries or salad. Which just makes me think we were ripped off!

Anyways, if you're just feeling noshy, the Laurelwood happy hour isn't a bad deal. But if you're hungry, just stick to the regular menu.